We come across newspaper reports often about Police personnel walking into midnight parties in posh and suburban hotels, warning the erring youngsters or even arresting our indulgent youth. Social furore usually follows, challenging the role of ‘moral policing’. As long as we remain just readers and listeners, such things hardly matter to us. But let us remember that our very own little ones are going to be the youth of tomorrow. Our role, therefore is crucial and decisive.
A couple of years ago, an 8-year old told her mother that they (the classmates) were ‘now’ grown up and speak ‘big people’s secrets’. The secret turned out to be something about the physical parts of the woman. Well, if necessary is the mother of invention, then curiosity is the mother of adventure. Good that the lass shared this excitement with her mom! This mom and I, we discussed the correct manner to handle the little girl and it paid off wonderfully. It’s time to share it with you.
That is,
–if your are already close enough to your school-going child,
–if you are loved by him and not just feared,
–if you are always ready to lend him your ears.
If not, please fulfill these three mandatory requirements before you read on. Otherwise, any effort to help your child would be an utter waste. Get started early.
Now the question is: How do I help my child distinguish the ‘bad’ from the ‘good’ or rather the ‘wrong’ from the ‘right’? It is actually a tight-rope walk, the first time and every time. If not handled tactfully, beware — your child might begin to hide any such happenings and could fall into bad company for want of thrill and gratification, later.
Here is the ‘basic’ answer for children, especially the primary and middle school-goers: “Anything that you would wish to keep away from your most trusted and beloved person (mom, dad, grandparent or a trusted teacher or aunt…) could be termed as ‘the wrong one’. Instead, it is best to keep away ‘that thing’ from you.” This simple yet effective suggestion would guard your child’s innocence against being eaten away.
Of course, the presentation of this idea is most important. When in a playful and communicating mood, tell your child: “It’s alright if you don’t want to share your “friends’ secret with me. (That would be very reassuring..) But remember, I’ll love you all the more when you tell me excitedly about the day’s important happenings — sometimes even before taking off your shoes, yelling happily, as you are MY BEST FRIEND.” Kiss the child and walk away, humming a happy tune, not waiting to watch the reaction.
It would be wise to guard against three reactions from your side:
- Over-reacting
- Ignoring
- Criticizing or ridiculing
Enjoy the parental happiness when your child is well into his teenage, with no clash of ‘intelligence versus character’. You will be yourself a relaxed friend of your teen-aged child, changing with the times, yourself! Embarrassments would not arise to discuss (read ‘disapprove’) the ‘child’s’ party wear or late home-coming. Your little one would have by then assimilated that
- being modern doesn’t show just in fashionable dressing-up, but in his modest thoughts.
- Dignity and decency will take him places.
- Emotional surges need to be curtailed, not yielding to crowd mentality and mob frenzy.
The first few paragraphs of this page targeted ‘primary’ and ‘middle school’ children, lest you miss the bus. Have fun, being your little one’s Best Friend!