Have you said any of these statements recently?
- “Wow! I can’t believe he did it!!”
- “Oh my God! He NEVER tried doing it all these days…”
- “What do I do to get him off this damn new habit?”
Well, let me remind you that the growing years of the child’s life is a mixed bag. The family’s outlook and the parents’ attitude shape the child’s milestones. Whether we term ( read ‘judge’) his activity good/bad or right/ wrong, we need to remember the basic fact: “Trial and Error” is equally applicable to your little one. All we need to do is to ensure that he is safe.
Beware: Over protective parents commit dual damage-
- They are themselves the hurdles in the child’s progress.
- They indirectly encourage the child to secretly try his hand at the denied pleasure.
Last week, I met a friend who was upset about her 6 year old son’s new passion: telling lies. I invited her to sit in discussion instead of being emotionally upset about this new development. We traced eight valid points that could push the little one to lie:
- Fear of being unaccepted or punished
- Laziness
- Peer pressure
- Over expectation from parents/ teacher
- Desire to be the person of his dream or ‘quid pro quo’
- The thrill of disobeying/ lying
- Procrastination
- To rise to a false height
When we analyzed the child’s lies one by one, we were able to fit them all into one of these eight categories. On further discussion, we gradually discovered that every bad habit (in the child’s case) or most of the vices (in the adult’s case) shoot off basically from one of these eight large divisions. The best corrective measure, of course, could vary from one child to another.
“God judges a person by what he does to someone who has nothing to give in return” is a lovely quote. On a different plane, I would say, “Gauge your child by what he does in his favorite moments while he is left unattended.”
If the child springs you pleasant surprises by taking right decisions, please congratulate him and encourage him openly. He will trust you all the more. In fact, he would strive to stick to this ‘righteous path’ as he feels loved, accepted and secure, too. On the other hand, if your absence meant good riddance for him, please don’t get upset or angry. It is time for you to do some homework: Take time to see where things could have gone wrong. The gentle but sure steps that you would undertake could pave a new path for him. But in this case, make sure you are always there for him.
After all, TRUST is the key that opens the doors of opportunity for your growing child.